When Super Nova ended Giggerota the Wicked had died, Kai’s homeworld of Brunnis was destroyed by a supernova and he was no closer to finding a way to re-animate himself.
In the third film of the Lexx saga, Eating Pattern, Lexx informs the crew that he is hungry and needs to eat in order to continue on their journey. Running out of food themselves, the crew lands on a nearby garbage planet so everyone can get when they need. Instead they find the indigenous inhabitants, led by the oddball Bog (Rutger Hauer), who are addicted to a substance called “Pattern” that feeds a parasitic organism they all are host to. The crew of the Lexx discovers that the drug is made from human body parts and that they are next in line as donors.
After two interesting and fun films in this miniseries I have to say that Eating Pattern is one of the most boring and directionless movies I’ve ever seen. There is no point to any of the events at all, it’s confusing and straight up dumb. Plot points are repeated ad nauseum and the story is so drawn out that it’s basically a joke. Whenever I attempt to watch this flick it takes me multiple tries to get through it because it’s so slow and dull that I keep falling asleep. The last time I played it it took me three days to do so. That’s pretty sad.
Have you ever seen an episode of a television show that is uncharacteristically simple and streamlined compared to all the others? The episode of Star Trek: Enterprise called “Shuttlepod One” comes to mind. I read that the budget for the first season was being burned up too quickly, so the writers came up with an episode that wouldn’t require much money to produce. It took place mainly in a small shuttlepod set with two actors and that’s all. That’s what Eating Pattern reminds me of. The filmmakers were attempting to save money for the big finale in the next film and had to compromise. This shit sandwich is the end result.
The worst part is that there is absolutely no further development of the characters. The last two features excelled in that aspect, but here it is stopped dead in its tracks. Basically all the main players are reduced to idiots in order to allow the stupid developments of the plot to play out. Stanley is inhabited by a parasite early on and goes “full retard”, Kai runs out of protoblood and dies in the opening so he is missing for the majority of the run time and Zev is turned into a damsel in distress. Only when Kai is reanimated near the 2/3 mark do things slightly pick up, but not by much.
The main issue that plagues this film is that the focus switches from the main characters to Rutger Hauer’s Bog once he’s introduced. I normally wouldn’t have a problem with that, but because Bog is such an idiotic, bumbling and useless character he drags everything down to the deepest depths of ineptitude. He shares a lot of screentime with Doreen Jacobi’s Wist, who ends up being the cause of the parasitic invasion. She is bland and unengaging, thus compounding the problems exponentially.
Visually this chapter is ugly and unappealing in the extreme. I know that’s intentional since the setting is a garbage planet, but it’s overwhelmingly cliché. It looks like every other garbage planet featured in numerous other sci-fi flicks (Soldier in particular). When the big finale goes down the special effects take a turn for the worse as well with a supersized Wist attacking the Lexx. It’s reminiscent of a Godzilla movie for a few fleeting seconds, but then things get dumb again.
The acting is pretty bad all around. Even the main players seem to be on autopilot due to the horrid script. Watching Rutger Hauer with an odd ponytail and wearing lipstick making a complete fool of himself is amusing at first, but he eventually begins to grate on the nerves and becomes annoying beyond belief.
I really can’t say anything overly positive about Eating Pattern. There are glimpses of what made the previous two films unique and entertaining, but on the whole this is nothing more but a filler episode stretched to bursting point. It’s nearly unwatchable.
0.5 out of 5