Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Day of the Dead 2: Contagium

I had heard that this "in-name-only" sequel to George A. Romero's classic (and I use that term loosely) Day of the Dead was horrendously bad, but I wasn't prepared for just how fucking putrid this hunk-o-shite actually would end up being.

It could be that in the original Day of the Dead the world was completely overrun by zombies and the living were a vast minority. In this flick, which takes place 20 years later, there are no zombies anywhere and no one has ever heard of them or the fact that the world was on the brink back in the mid-80s.
It could be that the entire movie takes place in a mental institution occupied by the most normal and boring group of schizophrenics I've ever seen (but the main character has a fear of death... please). The orderlies are more disturbed than the inmates. And why is it that the lone black dude in the joint is the only one who talks like a tard? This is a mental institution, not the Special Olympics training camp.

It could be that the "virus" that causes the inmates to s-l-o-w-l-y turn into zombies looks like giant glowing snowflakes when released into the air that are way too big for someone to inhale. Or maybe the fact that the container that holds the virus looks like a fancy plastic tampon with a compass on the top.
It could be the whole pregnancy subplot involving the two leads that is glossed over for the whole flick until the last 3 minutes, then is never resolved in any way shape or form. It's like the writers/directors (if they could be considered that) came up with the idea to copy the Dawn of the Dead remake's zombie baby subplot, forgot about it, then remembered at the last minute to work it into the screenplay, then thought twice about it and dropped it altogether.

It could be that in Romero's zombie movies the living dead are slow, brainless, mute and pale. Here the zombies are fast, they talk (some at great length), they smell their victims before they attack and mutate into bubbly blood monsters the further they decompose. If you're going to base your movie in a world that was created previously why change the rules? What about the fact that if a zombie so much as looks at someone they start bleeding from the mouth. I got so sick of that shit by the fourth time it happened it's not even funny.
It could be the amateurish acting, pathetic direction, god awful screenplay, cheap make-up effects (the bubbly blood zombie monster looks like he has stage blood soaked chunks of bed cushion tied to his limbs and pasted to his face) that solidifies this as a total wash. Just about everything was utter crap. There was absolutely nothing about this flick that I found entertaining in the slightest. For something with an $8m budget this was the cheapest looking piece of shit I've ever seen. They couldn't even keep the make-up FX consistent for certain characters. The raging dike inmate that turns into a zombie has this black crust around her eyes for her major scenes, then in the next scene the crust is gone and her skin is flesh colored, then in the following scene the crust is back. The whole flick is full of that kind of crap. You can blatantly see the crew/equipment in certain scenes. Sad.

Ugh, I'm done with this movie. Just avoid it at all costs.

0 out of 5

*written 11/1/05

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